Services
Individual Counselling
Joan Didion wrote, “We tell ourselves stories in order to live”. Very often, when people decide to meet with a counsellor, the story they have been telling themselves about themselves has become intolerable. By following the ethic, ‘the person is not the problem, the problem is the problem’, I seek to engage the person seeking counselling in what’s called ‘externalizing conversations’ ,where the problem story is treated as a person or a thing external to the person seeking counselling. In turn, the person seeking counselling is asked questions about their relationship with the problem story: when they first encountered the problem, what has sustained the problem to be in their life, and the unhelpful effects the problem story has had on them and their relationships. Inevitably, through these unpacking questions, new stories about the person’s values come forth, and as a result, new understandings of both the problem and the person emerge, creating new identities the person can step into which provide a better fit for living.
Couple & Family Counselling
Relationships are central to life. However, when relationship problems have become intolerable, often times diverging expectations, unhelpful assumptions, and our society’s penchant for winners and losers pits people against each other. In my work with relationships my focus is on enhancing understanding between relationship participants. We do this by using a structure that helps participants speak in detail about their experiences, allows participants to unravel and makes sense of their experiences, both for themselves and their loved ones; while simultaneously enabling all participants to listen in new and more helpful ways. This is done by using an “Outsider Witness” approach, where each relationship participant is interviewed individually in the presence of loved ones. Through this process when a relationship member is being interviewed individually, co-participants are asked to act as witnesses to the interviewee’s stories by stepping back and listening with new and different intentions, thus creating new stories and allowing new understandings to emerge.
When using an outsider witness structure with couples and families, witnesses are asked questions such as;
- During the interview of your loved one, what stuck out to you as especially significant?
- What images came to mind when you heard your loved one discuss these significant matters? What do you think these stories of significance say about what is important to your loved one?
- For what reasons do you think these matters were significant to you? What does this say about what is important to you, that these stories caught your attention in the way they did?
- By listening to your loved one's interview, and hearing them discuss matters that are significant to both of you, what effect will this have on your relationship? How do you think your life going forward will be changed by learning more about your loved one's intentions?
Therapeutic Letter Writing
Often, specifics of what is discussed in counselling can evaporate once the session has ended. Therapeutic letters written by the counsellor and sent to the person seeking counselling can provide a permanent record of the conversation the person can return to when needed; these letters can also be a way to expand the conversation by including questions the person can consider between sessions
Working with intimate partner violence: Safety and Repair 3 Phase Approach
The Safety and Repair Approach addresses gender-based violence with both the person who has acted violently and the person who has been subjected to violence. Guided by the principles that, ‘the person is not the problem, the problem is the problem’ ,and ‘people can learn how to repair harm without creating more harm’, this approach seeks to convey that people are not defined by their choices to act violently or their experiences of being subjected to violence. The emphasis of the Safety and Repair approach is helping people to take responsibility for violent behavior by re-establishing their relational values and re-learning how to act in accordance with these values; in turn, creating new identities for both the person who has been harmed and the person who acted violently. This approach is responsive to different intensities of violence. While indeed there are situations where violence is perpetrated by one partner, the Safety and Repair Approach is adaptable to situations where both partners have acted violently; taking the position that ‘abuse is never justified’, this enables both partners to take responsibility for their choices to act violently.
Phase 1: Establishing safety. In this first phase, the counsellor works separately with the person who has done harm and the person who has been harmed to establish their physical, and emotional safety. Assessments are made on each individuals’ physical safety, the social determinants of family violence, and safety plans are created when needed. In relation to participants’ emotional safety, we discuss the person’s values and identities separate from their experiences with violence, thus creating a foundation from which to discuss participant’s choices to act violently, as well as participant’s experiences of being subjected to violence. During this phase, the counsellor teaches mindfulness strategies to help participants dealing with the emotional and somatic effects of trauma to have more control over these effects. A collaborative approach is taken to define abuse by discussing the effects of abusive behavior. We also discuss responsibility ;what the person is responsible for and not responsible for, and what gets in the way of people taking responsibility. We also talk about the differences between unhelpful and helpful shame, and how helpful shame can play a part in guiding people through life in accordance with their values.
Phase 2: Preparing people to repair harm in relationships. During the second phase the counsellor again works separately with the person who has acted violently and the person who has been subjected to violence to explore ways to repair harm in relationships. This is done by supporting participants in: acknowledging the details of the abuse, creating a plan to stop the abuse, acknowledging the effects of the abuse, and creating a follow up plan to repair the effects of the abuse. In addition, the counsellor works with participants to gain new understanding of how the effects of trauma and unhelpful gender expectations prevent them from repairing harm and taking responsibility when harm has been done in relationships.
Phase 3: Supporting people to repair harm in relationships. In phase 3 the person who acted violently and the person who has been subjected to violence are brought together to repair harm in their relationship. Phase 3 is only initiated when both participants have separately completed Phases 1 and 2, and there is consensus amongst counsellors and participants that joining those seeking services in repairing harm will be helpful. In this final phase, the counsellor joins with both participants to follow through on acknowledging the details of the abuse, creating a plan to stop the abuse, acknowledging the effects of the abuse, and creating a follow up plan to continue to repair the effects of the abuse. It is important to note that the emphasis in Phase 3 is on repairing harm done by violence and not on reunifying the intimate relationship.
Safety and Repair: A 3 phase approach to addressing gender-based violence was developed by Tod Augusta Scott, for more information go to:
www.bridgesinstitute.org, and https://todascott.com/
Tree of Life
The Tree of Life is a group activity that uses metaphors from nature to help participants tell stories in ways that make them stronger. There are times when communities have experienced hardship, where individual counselling is inappropriate or inaccessible. The Tree of Life seeks to support communities who have experienced hardship through a group activity both powerful in its potential to help, but also simple in its delivery. It is a four-part exercise that starts with the re-visiting of preferred stories about our family histories, our lives in the present, our skills and values, supportive relationships, directions we’d like our lives to go in, and the gifts we’ve been given. Next, the group moves into storytelling about their preferred stories, where individuals tell their stories to a supportive audience of co-participants. After telling and acknowledging participants preferred stories, we have a safe space from which to talk about the challenges the group experiences collectively, how these challenges effect our lives, and how we go about responding to these challenges and their effects. Lastly, after we as a group have re-visited and reclaimed our preferred stories, acknowledged and authenticated these stories as a group, and discussed the challenges that participants collectively face and listed how we respond to these challenges…we celebrate!!!
The four parts of the tree of life are:
1) Creation of the individual tree of life:
- Roots: Where you come from (i.e. village, town, community, country); your family history (i.e. origins, family name, ancestry, extended family; those who have taught you the most; your favorite place, a treasured song or dance.
- Ground: Where we live in the present, activities we are involved in our day to day lives.
- Trunk: Our values, skills, and abilities.
- Branches: Directions we would like our life to go in; What we want for our futures
- Leaves: Meaningful figures in our lives; these can be people who are a part of our present, or who have been with us in our past; they can be people who have died, they can be pets, characters from influential stories, authors, sports stars and so on.
- Fruits: The gifts we have been given; these can be material gifts, like heirlooms or presents given by special people; or soft gifts such as love, care or support.
2) Forrest of Life: Individual Trees are placed together on a wall creating a Forrest of Life. Participants present their Trees to the group and re-tell stories that have been documented on their Tree. In this way stories from participant’s Trees are acknowledged and authenticated by an audience of co-participants, joining group members and creating resonance between them.
3) Storms of Life: After documenting and re-claiming preferred stories on their Tree of Life, and then re-telling these stories amongst their peers leading to acknowledgment and authentication of preferred stories, a safe place is created from which people can now discuss the challenges they face in life. Challenges are referred to metaphorically as ‘Storms’. By inquiring as a group about the Storms of Life as a collective experience, we avoid individualizing problems in participants. Additionally, by using metaphors from nature, discussions about problems and challenges are made easier
- These are beautiful Trees, and a strong and beautiful forrest, but while thinking about forests, are forests always fee from danger and harm?
- What kinds of dangers and harm do forests face?
- We have likened our lives to Trees and Forests, do people also face dangers and difficulties in their lives?
- What kinds of dangers and harms do people face?
- What are the effects of these dangers and harms in people’s lives?
- Are Trees and Forests to blame for the dangers and harms they face?
- Are people to blame for the dangers and harms they face?
- How do animals who live in the forest protect themselves when dangers and harms come to the forest?
- How do people respond when danger and harm enter their lives?
4) Celebration: After creating their Tree of Life, re-telling the stories of their Tree of Life in the Forrest of Life and then collectively facing the Storms of Life, participants gather for a celebration where certificates are presented documenting their skills and abilities, supportive relationships and the directions they want their lives to go in. Certificates are presented amidst an encouraging and excited group of co-participants, friends and family members, and are usually done with a feast!
For more information on The Tree of Life, please go to: https://dulwichcentre.com.au/the-tree-of-life/
Re-Membering Bereavement Support Group
For some, the idea of saying goodbye and moving on after the death of a loved one can be very difficult. This support group looks to help those experiencing grief and loss to maintain their relationship with loved ones who have died, despite their loved one’s physical absence; with the purpose of relieving some of the heaviness that grief and loss can impose. Through this ten-week group, participants are led through exercises which encourage participants to tell stories about the skills and values their loved one possessed, and how the skills and values of the person who has died live on in the present. We seek to help participants reclaim the voice of their loved one, and learn how the person’s skills and values can continue to guide participants into the future. Finally, we look help participants to reconnect and re-engage with others who are also interested in continuing to tell tell stories and maintain traditions that honor the person who has died
Dignity Therapy
The end of life can be a complex, uncertain, and overwhelming time for the person who is dying and their family. Dignity therapy provides a forum where the person at the end of their life can focus on what has been most important to them. The person meets with a counsellor interviewer who asks about the person’s life history, times they have felt most alive, lessons they have learned, what they want others to carry on, and their hopes for their family and friends. This interview is audio recorded, transcribed and edited to create a legacy document. This legacy document both provides a permanent record for family to return to after the person has died, but also allows the person at the end of their life to know their stories will continue to be told in their own voice
Who I work with
Men
2SLGBTQ+
Children
Youth
Adults
Elders
Women
